How to find peace in the "Mother-Load"

Reflecting back on my early years of motherhood, I’m transported back to a time when I felt like I allowed myself to become buried by the mundane tasks of life. These tiny people had arrived and although I adored them, at times I felt overcome by how much it required of me to care for them. It all felt like too much to try and balance everything, and I feared what I might lose. Sadly, my tendency was to rush through the day to get to the next task so that I could focus on my “real work.” I had no idea how to just be in the moment, to be present and most importantly, how to be a child myself. I also had no idea that I was missing out on the most important work of my life!

I began to sit in what I called, “the secret place” which was pretty much the farm table in my kitchen, and Lord began to show me that I was His daughter first and that I could parent beautifully from that place. It was there that I discovered the glorious in the mundane. I found that God was with me at the kitchen sink and next to me in the minivan. I learned to be loved and seen by Him, far away from the crowds and the platform. I discovered that my true identity was being His beloved and that I could live from that place instead of constantly striving for it.

I’m thankful as I look back on how the Lord exposed the posture of my heart in that season and gently led me to a place of sweet surrender. He showed me that everything that I had…My ministry, my talents and most certainly my children were ALL a gift from Him, my perfect Father. As I began to see it all as a gift rather than the “mother-load” that I turned it into, my heart was able to surrender it all in a new way. This gratitude and surrender, though, would require me to give my whole heart to Jesus – to trust Him in ways I never had.

Being a worship leader and artist, The Holy Spirit began to show me that if I would put Him first in my life, and then care for my family about my ministry and my career, that He would do “God-sized” things in my life. He has been so faithful! He showed me over and over that being His beloved was the complete source of my joy and the posture in which I could truly live life to the fullest. As I allowed myself to be held, and I mean all of me…All of my fears, my anxieties, my secret longings…I began to understand how to hold my own. As I let His truth sing over me, I began to sing over the people in my life in a new way. Like a mother bird perched over her nest, I sang from a place of rest and protection. I recently released an album called Be Held, Lullabies For The Beloved, a collection of songs that were just little seedlings in my heart back when my children were babies. My children, now 17, 14 and 10, have become the beneficiaries of God turning my world upside down in the sweetest way.

These songs are now in full bloom and are pulled from the very promises of God’s Word. The heart behind this record is that none of us ever outgrow the need to be held, to be sung over and to come before our Heavenly Father as His child. We also never outgrow the posture of sweet surrender! My prayer is that we will sing these songs over our loved ones - but in the same breath, find that our Heavenly father is singing them over us. Because when we learn to live from our beloved-ness, we become people of peace.

Christy Nockels

Christy Nockels is a wife, mother, singer, poet, songwriter and podcast host. She has long had a huge appreciation for music and it’s role it plays in the kingdom of God. As a worship leader for many years, she has been an integral part of Passion Conferences. A pastor’s kid, who was born in Fort Worth and raised in Oklahoma, she’s seen first hand music sweep people into the presence of God in a powerful way.   

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Anca January 17, 2018 at 3:44am

This is me. These words, this heart pulse... (minus the recording artist part). I so needed the preciseness and expression of this beautifully penned article to help me articulate (to myself) the work that God's been doing in me as I plunged into motherhood through the adoption of my precious little son. I am so amazed at the love of the Father, and how much strength and security there is in learning to rest, and be "held," as you said Christy. SO thankful for your ministry, and for the ministry of Propel Women who understand the hearts of women who sometimes need to refocus and recenter, re-calibrate our desires, back to the heart of our worship, and the one we "work" for and with, Jesus.

Pala January 14, 2018 at 9:09pm

I was crying through your whole article. So sweet and I can feel your surrender to him. I am not a mother. I have a ministry starting called A Mother's Love Ministry. My calling is to help women to take back their identity of motherhood. The enemy really will do much damage in this area and our world is bent on destroying the very things you are talking about as a mother. A sweet serenity in our motherhood demeanor. his tool are abortion, eating disorder, cutting and all the messages we receive all our life long about the horrible burden of motherhood or being a women enduring our curses of a monthly period and the list goes on. Your message was used of God for me to night to show me where he is headed with all this. i do feel a completion and a contentment in my life so far in this journey with him and that is just amazing given the worldly journey i had to endure. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because I truely felt your heart. Blessing be upon you and your family

His love
Paula Mary Milla

Chelsea January 14, 2018 at 7:53am

As I read this, (and I admit in a rushed manner) I noticed a sweet, slow song coming through my speakers. My Spotify playlist had ended and began playing music at random. No more than 10 seconds after I'd read the title of Christy's new album in the blog text I realized that sweet song through the speakers was the first song, "Heart in Hand Overture," on her new album.

It was as if Jesus said, "Slow down, I see you." I quit rushing and breathed. How great is our God?