3 Things to Ask If You Don't Feel God's Love

Carole Avriett

by Carole Engle Avriett


It’s a tough world – difficult times with crushed spirits and lost dreams strewn everywhere. All around us people are hurting. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t use a little more love.

In the midst of such chaos, we often hear someone say they just don’t feel God’s love. And, if we’re honest, we’ve probably each had moments when God seems distant, inattentive, disinterested.

So, what do we tell someone who says they can’t feel God’s love? For that matter, what do we tell ourselves?

Start with a Question

A well-respected teacher at our church had a favorite response to any question about religion or culture or life issues in general. “Let’s see what the Bible says,” he would proffer.

God often utilizes questions to confront people. From the very beginning when God’s children, Adam and Eve, were at a complete loss in their failure and need: hiding, scared, muddled, fearful, God came to them with a simple question, “Where are you?” Of course, God knew exactly where they were and what had transpired. But he initiated the conversation with a question.

Jesus employed the same modus operandi. When a pitiful paralytic who hadn’t walked since birth heard of Jesus’s miraculous healing abilities and raised up his dirty hands in a pleading gesture, Jesus remarkably asked, “What do you want from me?”

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So what’s with the questions? God is seeking a relationship with us – not just a casual relationship but an intimate, meaningful, and loving one. Asking someone a probing question helps them crystallize and shape their own thoughts, pulling them into connection. Questions are the beginning of a back-and-forth dialogue that can reveal, clarify, restore, and engage.

Reflect on the multiple occasions Jesus posed a question: “Who do you say I am?” (Mark 8:29), “Have you not read…?” (Mt. 12:3), “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” (John 8:10), “Peter, do you love me?” (John 21:17), “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me?” (John 14:9). Repeatedly, Jesus throws out questions—many with obvious answers—in order to draw people toward Himself.

A question can be an open invitation to initiate relationship. So when someone says to you that they don’t feel God’s love, perhaps we should borrow from our Lord’s tactic and ask a few simple questions. Ask your friend if they’ve considered the following:

Have You Talked to Him About Your Feelings?

First, we could begin by asking: “Have you talked to Him about your feelings?” God longs to hear all about what we are feeling: the hurts, the frustrations, the anger, the bitterness, all of it. He already knows it anyway, but still he encourages us to talk it over with Him. So, go to Him… talk to Him, pour out your heart to Him. God is always there, always attentive. He never scrolls through His phone while you are trying to talk things over. He listens.

Have You Sat Quietly With Him?

Second, we might ask someone who doesn’t feel God’s love: “Have you ever retreated to a quiet place just to be still, to sit at His feet, to allow Him a moment to love you?” Go and draw near to Him, imagine Him sitting in the chair next to you. God desires nothing less than being in the midst of your life—the mess and mixed-up circumstances, the failures, the mistakes, the bad decisions—in the middle of it all… with you.

Have You Read His Love Letters?

Third, “Have you read the love letters He has written to you?” There are 66 of them and each one speaks of His unshakable, immeasurable love. The 66 books of the Bible describe in detail His love for the world, His determined, committed, deep love for you to the point He was willing to die for you. Go to Him in His Word and let it wash over you.

God’s love is extravagant beyond measure. God doesn’t love the way we love~~our love is conditional, fragile, and has limitations. God’s love is unconditional, steadfast, and without limits. When someone says they don’t feel God’s love, we can begin with a few, gentle questions and these questions can be distilled down to three things:

1. Go to Him… pour out your feelings.
2. Go to Him… be still and listen with your heart.
3. Go to Him… read His love letters.

Above all else…just go to Him. God’s love is the beginning of everything.



Carole Engle Avriett’s distinguished journalism career spans over three decades and includes 14 years as an Editor with Southern Living Magazine and Editor-in-Chief of Metro, an award-winning Florida magazine. She is a national bestselling author of seven books including military history memoirs; her eighth book, Extravagant Love: Exploring God’s Passion for Us.