Lingering Prisms of Doubt

At the beginning of last year, my husband, JD, wrote a list of things he wanted to accomplish in the next 12 months. Now, this is usually a commendable act and feels like the beginning of a Hallmark Christmas special, but things with my husband are slightly complicated…he loves the idea of starting something, but the whole FINISHING thing gets in the way. As proof of this sentiment, JD has a guitar, soccer cleats, a Do-It-Yourself haircut kit, a jiu jitsu gee, a trumpet, a boogie board, a one-man camping tent, and six-foot long trimming shears in our garage. These are mementos of a time in history when starting something sounded nice.

And, really, a TRUMPET?!?

When JD added Do A Triathlon to his yearly bucket list, I rolled my eyes and asked if I should make space in the garage. In spite of my doubt, my husband trained for six months and completed his first triathlon!  Shortly thereafter, I wrote a blog post about the completion of his goal.

The post was filled with pride, my photos documenting his spandex-wearing decisions, and him crossing the finish line. All the things on the outside, the veneer. But what the photos didn't show was his months of training...and my doubt.

What it boiled down was this: I didn't believe JD would complete training and--as a result--he'd invest in gear that would sit in our garage.

Okay, I need to rephrase the previous sentence.

What it boiled down to was this: I was selfish.

I let my concerns cloud my endorsement and I became a lingering prism of doubt. Instead of heralding my belief in his newfound passion, I became an impediment. When race day arrived, I finally believed he was going to meet his goal. I took my camera, made matching t-shirts for our friends, and cheered loudly. However, when the horn signaled the start of the race, I saw my husband swimming into the deep, dark ocean and I cried.

I stood on a cliff and cried the salty tears of embarrassment.

In that moment, I realized I became everything I preach against. I caused doubt, caused him to venture alone, and became a naysayer. This was so wrong and I later apologized for not being the person I should.

To those who have doubters, shine. To those who venture alone, be brave. To those who have naysayers, become deaf to their words.

In doing so, you will accomplish more and have greater satisfaction when your goal is met...and those who doubted will be standing at the finish line clapping the loudest.


Jasmine Star

Jasmine Star is an award winning international wedding photographer and educator based in Southern California. You can follow Jasmine on Twitter @jasminestar


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