The Code of Leading, Loving, and Living

Every woman really does live by a CODE. Whether she knows it or not, it’s true.  As Christian women, and as women of faith, we are to lead and live by a very special, and indeed some might say very peculiar CODE.

What is that CODE you ask? I’ll tell you what it is, and what it most certainly is not.  

The Woman Code in its most simplistic form is a call for women of our time to live, love, and lead from the inside out. You see everything we need to win at life is already inside of us. Placed in us by our Creator from birth. Your CODE as a woman is unique. It’s powerful. And it has the ability to be positively transformational on those around you.

We all know the scripture: I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalms 139:14).  It’s true. But unless we believe it, deep down in our core, we will never become the women we are called to be. Living by your internal God given woman CODE is about doing more than existing. Or settling. Or being comfortable. Life is about so much more than surviving: Life is all about thriving despite what obstacles may come, or what heartbreak may ensue. Life is to be lived.

One of the most important CODES we as women of our time must embrace is one offered long ago by King Solomon to guard your heart.  As a woman, your heart is really the center of where you live. Our deepest need as human beings is to be loved and cherished. To be protected. And to be heard. When that need is not being met, particularly for us as women, we can become hard. Walled off, and we tend to gate our heart instead of guarding it. But here is the thing: when you gate yourself off, you are blocking the amazing blessings that might come your way.

And so many women of our time, are just getting by. They are tired. Weary. Disconnected. They feel helpless, and many downright hopeless. That is not who we are called to be sisters. We are to be a peculiar people: Called out, but not of. To be, to look, and to act differently than the world around us.  It’s your CODE that guides you. It’s your CODE that awakens the woman sleeping inside of you, waiting to rise in majesty to meet her destiny.

If I could tell women just four CODES that they must learn, and honor everyday of their lives in order to win and thrive at life it would be these:

1. Know your value.  It all begins and ends here.  You cannot allow yourself to be defined by your childhood. By the negative tapes that have played in your head about what people have told you that hurt or damaged you. You must know your worth. And your value or no-one else ever will.

2. Make peace with your past. When we make peace with our past that means we don’t let our past define us. When you are able to make peace with your past, you are not denying it, forgetting it, or wallowing in it, you are simply accepting that it happened, and you are committed to learn its lessons and thrive beyond its pain.

3. Teach people how to treat you.  Too many of us in the body of Christ believe that we are to be doormats. We are not. Many of us, grew up in dysfunctional families and many of them were hidden under the smiles of Sunday dresses, suits, ties and nice shoes. When you grow up in dysfunction you actually begin to think that’s normal. You tolerate behavior that is not fit for an animal, much less a person.  When you become an adult you are accountable for you. You teach people by the way you carry yourself how they can handle and treat you. Don’t be a doormat. Tell people what you want and need in life. And most of the time you will get it!

4. Live authentically.  Authenticity always rests on accountability. The people you have around you have to be empowered to coach you, to check you, and correct you. We live in a world full of masks. So many of us women hiding, shrinking, and afraid to be who God called us to be. You will never be a successful leaders unless you first learn how to be a successful learner. Your first goal in life should be to learn you. Who you truly are. And why you are here at this time, and place in human history. We don’t need more copy cats. More conformist. We need people who have come alive and who live the truth and power of who they are!


Sophia Nelson

Sophia Nelson is an American award winning author, award winning journalist and former White House Correspondent for Jet Magazine. Sophia has also released her 2nd book 'The Woman Code: 20 Powerful Keys to Unlock Your Life" as seen in the Huffington Post Book Review and Publisher's Weekly.  You can follow Sophia on Twitter @IAmSophiaNelson.


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