The Comparison Game: How You Can Win It and Live Shame Free

They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and whoever “they” are, I agree with them.

If we are always measuring ourselves against our neighbors who are broadcasting their latest and greatest on Instagram or Facebook, how are we to be content with our own lives?

Everyone struggles with comparison, but I believe that perhaps the struggle is compounded for women. As women, we tend to be more emotional by nature, and it’s easy to let comparisons—however minor they may be—turn into shame. And friends, if comparison is the thief of joy, shame is the prison that locks it away.

Comparison is an extremely destructive thing. It leads to self-depreciation, self-rejection, and depression. When we believe the lies of comparison, that’s where shame steps in—the fear of being unworthy. Shame makes us feel small, unwanted, and unloved. And together, comparison and shame will keep us from living the full, happy lives we’re destined to live.

I don’t know about you, but I want to live a life full of joy. A life free of comparison and shame. But in order to live that life, I have to consciously fight back against the comparison trap each and every day.

Here are three ways I’ve learned to fight back against comparison:

1. Begin the day on a positive note.

The way I begin my day typically sets the tone for how I operate the rest of the day. Am I frazzled and stressed? Or am I grounded and at peace? For me, starting my day reading the Bible and in prayer—not work email or skimming social media—prepares my mind and my heart to combat comparison.

2. Value your uniqueness.

The tendency that most of us face is to devalue our own uniqueness, and instead attempt to become a carbon copy of those we admire. Instead of thinking “I wish I was more ____ “ or “If only I could ____ “, remind yourself about what makes you, you. What makes you unique. There’s only one you on this planet, only one person who can do every single thing you do—and that’s the way it’s supposed to be! When you catch yourself in the comparison trap, remind yourself of your strengths, talents, gifts, and abilities.

3. Limit the time spent on social media.

While social media certainly isn’t the cause of the comparison trap, it does seem to make us more susceptible to the trap! Social media is not real life, but rather a highlight reel that can make our minds run wild with comparisons. I suggest limiting the amount of time you spend online and instead filling your life with the good stuff—people and relationships.

The truth is, this is your one and only life and you should never squander it in the world of comparison. It is great to be stirred and inspired by one another, but not to compete and compare with each other. Let’s cheer each other on to live our best lives, valuing our uniqueness and differences.

If this resonates with you, we have a gift for you! Sign up here and you will receive a free weekly teaching video Christine’s book, Unashamed, as a gift from us at Propel Women.

Christine Caine

Christine Caine is an Australian-born, Greek-blooded activist, author and international speaker. She is cofounder of the anti-human trafficking organization, The A21 Campaign, the founder of Propel Women and the author of the new book Unashamed: Drop the Baggage, Pick Up Your Freedom, Fulfill Your Destiny. For more information visit www.christinecaine.com.

Join the discussion

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Susan Atkinson July 4, 2016 at 3:11am

Any recommendations on an approach to manage the requirements in the work place that require one to compare herself against her peers? The performance management cycles are brutal for those that struggle with these issues generally. I try to focus on the positive aspects of my work or my successes but when one "falls short" when you feel the disconnect between expectations set versus the outcome of the calibration / comparison process, the results are exactly as you point out -- self-deprecation, self-rejection, depression. I love what I do but that process is particularly draining on me emotionally. I have just started the book, so hopefully, that will help too.

Mish July 3, 2016 at 5:10pm

Thks Christina for encouragement
I don't suffer often (that u realise) but it is so true in so many areas of our lives-and to acknowledge it is half way to peace
Thks again mish