When God Doesn't Choose You

It’s one thing to feel overlooked or not chosen by people, but it’s confusing and painful feeling overlooked by God. He’s the one who’s never supposed to let us down. So how do we deal with it when it seems that God doesn’t see us?

Until recently, I thought I understood the way God operates and how to be in His favor. A series of closed doors or “not yets” have led me to ask a new level of tough questions.

You know the certainty you feel when God tells you what to dream for? What to believe for? What to pray about, plan and hope for? That part is clear.

But the long, winding road leading to the calling can make it blurry.

Questions flood in like: “What am I doing? Did I do something wrong? Why am I not ready? Am I unfit? Did I hear wrong? Am I not on the right path? Did I make this all up? Is it just my desire and not God’s? What am I missing?"

I had some deep, beautiful conversations about this topic that provided some clarity and I hope this helps you in this crazy journey.

Coveting Vs. Believing

There is an important difference. It is true that God won’t elevate us or give us something we aren’t ready for. Most of the time, we don’t know we’re not ready or we don’t know why. The Lord wants pure hearts. Getting and maintaining a pure heart is a daily intention, but there’s a way we can check to see if our motives are pure or we are spiritually mature.

How do you feel when someone gets what you want?

Jealousy, bitterness, resentment, self-pity may indicate that either our motivation for wanting it was wrong or we aren’t spiritually mature enough to handle the dream yet. Until we can get to the place that someone else’s success doesn’t equate to our failure, we are still teetering in the covet zone. Coveting is wanting something that isn’t yours and it breeds those feelings are bitterness.

Believing for something God put on your heart is trusting that He will bring it to pass in the way He wants to when He wants to. It’s also having the humility to understand our purpose isn’t for our personal elevation, rather for the promotion of the Kingdom.

God protects us from ourselves until we are ready.

Sustaining Hope vs. Abundant Hope

Many Christians believe God is going to bring them whatever He wants to, so they sit and wait for it. They are passive and lazy in the name of “God’s will.” I believe it’s also a form of protecting ourselves from the pain of a dashed hope.

You may have heard someone quote the verse, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” when they are sad. So do we use that as an excuse to be sullen and bitter until we get what we want?

I believe the problem lies in the kind of hope we think we are entitled to. The only real hope we are 100% promised is eternal life. But Jesus also says he came to offer abundant life to the full.

My friend Nate Scoggins wisely said there are two types of hope; sustaining hope which is like our daily manna and abundant hope which is more than you ask or imagine.

The key is not letting the abundant hope replace relationship with God.

“You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you”. Exodus 34:14

Proverbs 16:9 shows us that, God gives us the vision, we make the plans but God directs our steps.

That sounds really great in theory, until God starts directing our steps in real life. They can be slow, feel like detours and be in the form of rejection. But like Joyce Meyer says, “God has to do something to you before he can do something through you”.

Keep a loose grip on that dream, let God sift through you, go before you, protect you and comfort you.

Kristen Dalton

Kristen Dalton Wolfe is a former Miss USA turned Mrs. Wolfe. Since then, Kristen has used her passion for women and background in Psychology to launch SheisMore.com. Kristen and her husband, Kris Wolfe, founder of GoodGuySwag.com are based in Los Angeles and speak regularly. Kristen is also the author of Rise Up, Princess: 60 Days To Revealing Her Royal Identity and Rise Up With God: The Guided Journal.

Join the discussion

Patrice Sims March 24, 2017 at 12:06pm

This article has so much power in it. Thank you so much. I had to jot down some of the things said. It was the right words at the right time.

Countess Thompson December 4, 2016 at 2:44am

This is something that I needed to read and hear. Thank you so much a powerful word.

Alexandria November 24, 2016 at 11:36pm

Amazing how God places these messages and this truth in my path at just the right time. I feel challenged to loosen my hold on this dream and cling to God. Thank You, God. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Chika November 23, 2016 at 2:59am

So timely, I really needed this truth. Recently I've gone down from having "abundant hope" to "sustaining hope", due to delayed expectations. This really geared me up again. Thanks Kristen.

Laura November 21, 2016 at 8:40am

Thank you. Your clear and truthful words helped me sort through a volcano of issues and emotions that have been piling up in my life. I appreciate your honest leadership. Sometimes the truth is hard to look at but it will set us free. I am thankful for this truth that revealed a bit of "ouch" but I trust will be part of what sets me free. THANKS!

sandra November 21, 2016 at 7:47am

Thankyou it helps i feel i have been long suffering no breakthrough as yet!! but your words of encouragement has lifted me up and verse's to read reminds me iam not alone still trusting our Saviour Jesus our redeemer . Xx

catherine May November 21, 2016 at 5:45am

Thanks I needed to hear this today .I'm going through a lot of financial problems in this time of my life and while I'm working hard and long hours, its still not enough. After reading this it gives me hope to know that I have favor and that God is in control. Thank You

Jessica Wright November 21, 2016 at 12:38am

Thank you for your transparency and for sharing the truth! I needed to hear this timely word!

Annie Dueck November 20, 2016 at 4:57am

So good and so true. Thank you for writing this. Needed this.

International Autism Ministry November 19, 2016 at 11:59pm

What a great reminder about how God waits until we are ready.

Kalina Allen November 18, 2016 at 3:24am

That's exactly what I needed to hear, Kristen. Every word was spot on!
Thank you very much!