“Are you saying no because of your weight?”

Those words caught me off guard and stung. I’m always amazed at the freedom some feel to say what they do.

Rather than respond with a full-frontal attack, I used gentle words so I could hide the hurt. “No, I just don’t want ice cream right now. Thanks, though.”

In that moment—at a dinner with old friends that should have been filled with joy and celebration—I found myself in a very tangling situation. I put on a brave face and pushed through. The last thing I wanted to do what ruin the evening for everyone else. But honestly, I’m so tired of just pushing through. Even more, I’m frustrated that my self-worth is still so easily tangled.

Isn’t there a point in our lives when insecurity shouldn’t knot us up anymore?

The shaming voice inside tells me I should be able to overcome it. And so often I agree.

… I’ve known Jesus for most of my life and have seen Him heal my heart more times than I can remember.

… I know what the Bible says about how much God loves me.

… I believe that He created me on purpose with purpose.

… I know the worth I hold to my Creator, yet here I am again questioning my beauty, my value, my significance.

The struggle to see the truth of our worth isn’t new. Chances are you’re intimately aware of the places you don’t feel like you “measure up.” And dare I say it’s a battle we’ll most likely carry to the grave because part of the human condition is wondering if we’re good enough.

Those insecurities cause us to take a sobering look at our life to see if we’ve been a success. We want to know we made a difference—our lives, our words, our actions—during our time here. We need to know we matter.

So we wonder… Am I raising my kids the right way? Have I been the kind of wife my husband needed? Am I doing enough to create healthy community and love on others well? Am I a good friend? Have I volunteered enough hours? Am I nurturing my relationship with Jesus enough? Do I handle our finances like I should? Am I as encouraging and affirming with my words as she is? Do my opinions and ideas matter?

We want to know we’ve contributed to the world in significant ways. Our hope is to know we’re beautiful in our own way, and others see it too. And we need to know that no matter what, we are valuable.

So when a careless comment tightens the tangle of worthlessness, it hurts so deep.

In my naivety, I thought I’d eventually grow out of insecurities. I assumed being an adult meant the craving for worldly acceptance and approval would stop. But for many of us, we are still getting tangled by the same ole people and the same stupid situations.

But here is what I’ve learned. Victory doesn’t mean we’ll never struggle with insecurity again. Victory means that when we feel the knot begin to tighten, we are quicker to see it and faster to take our tangle to God.

And even more, God never measures our value by the way we look, what we’ve accomplished, the money we have made, the health of our body, or any other worldly measuring stick.  God values us simply because we’re His.

“You are the ones who make yourselves look right in other people’s sight, but God knows your hearts. For the things that are considered of great value by people are worth nothing in God’s sight.”  (Luke 16:15 GNT)

What a beautiful reminder that God’s scales are not the same as the world's. And this scripture offers a powerful warning not to allow the world’s definition of success and beauty be the judge of our value and worth.

So how can we learn to see ourselves through the eyes of God?

1) Find a sacred space and time to connect with Him.

2) Invite Him into the tangled places in your heart.

3) Ask Him to reveal the lies you’re believing and replace them with the truth of how He sees you.

4) Journal through the process so you revisit when you need reminding.

5) Choose to believe you were created on purpose and hold immeasurable value to your Heavenly Father.

Because when we do—when we truly untangle—words won’t hold the same power over us anymore. And when someone questions why we’re skipping dessert (or we get triggered in some other way), we’ll remember that God sees the beauty and complexity of our heart… and delights in His creation!

Carey Scott

Carey Scott is an author, speaker, and life coach, honest about her walk with the Lord…stumbles, fumbles and all. She is the author ofUntangled, a book where she bravely shares her story of abuse, the insecurities birthed from it, and offers practical advice on how to live in freedom. Carey lives in Northern Colorado with her family. Learn more at CareyScott.org. You can also connect with her onFacebook, Twitter or Pinterest.


Join the discussion

Aj July 9, 2017 at 2:29am

So timely this article was, I loved this reminder that it's okay to have insecurities. Turning our tangled hearts to God and allowing Jim to untangle those thoughts and feelings of not feeling worthy is key.

This week in starting a new job all sorts in insecurities popped up, even those that I didn't even know I had.

This article came at a perfect time to reset and focus on God's view of me versus the world's or mans.

Thank you, Thank you and thanks!

Friciveri June 25, 2017 at 11:47pm

Good word and a reminder of the real definition of beauty the Lord gave me. The element of beauty that God gave us is in the way you/we touch each other lives. The imprint of your soul on mine, how your existence impacted me this the measure of God's beauty. Don't covet the worlds definition which is based or obscured, because it's through a lens of a shattered mirror.

Susan Gruener June 25, 2017 at 6:29am

This was really good! I have found as I got older - 65, (and for you youngin's) that I have gotten free-er and free-er about who I am in the Lord, and what defines me...and have learned to accept my frizzy hair, extra few pounds, etc. It does get better with age. ;)
Thanks for this!

Cassie Rockette-Rogers June 25, 2017 at 3:14am

Your article really enlightened me and made me recall moments that I have been insecure. There are still times I am insecure and others do not know it. I am striving to be secure in God's security and not necessarily worry about the thoughts of others. I do not want to be a people pleaser.

Alyson June 25, 2017 at 2:59am

Thank you Sharon. You put words and thoughts that are in my head on paper.

Prereeta June 24, 2017 at 3:00pm

God values us simply because we’re His.

Lisa June 21, 2017 at 5:17am

Beautiful. Your scripture here is one that will stick with me. I tend to be someone that people view as confident, but really struggle with being strong all of the time. People's comments stick to me longer than I would like. God's view is what I am trying to see.